I always wondered what it would be like if one day I woke up and no one knew who I was? If I just walked into work like normal, and everybody just stared at me in disbelief, wondering "who is she?, what is she doing here?"
I always wonder this because I love the feeling of being unknown. The mystery of someone who walks into a place and everyone in there head thinks the same thing "oh wow, who is this?" But, being unknown is far different from people you love not recognizing you. But isn't it really the same thing when an addict becomes so heavily involved with ones addiction that their own friends and family no longer can recognize them? I have for many years struggled with substance abuse, and sometimes I feel that is how the outer world perceives me.
I always wonder what I am like when under the influence of a substance, and I always wonder what it's like on the outside. I have never dealt with anyone else that had an issue with any kind of substance, so I can never comment. I always ask my loved ones what it was like to have to deal with that, and I always get the same response... "you don't wanna know"
I don't wish it upon my worst enemy to go through what I have gone through, secretley and openly the struggles of which only one person can bear. That is ourselves. The path we choose is not an easy one, it is not one written in stone either. Along this path we can change direction and create another path within seconds. We can choose to keep going forward, stop, and or even go backwards. Time is a funny thing as well, it doesn't do anything but move forward, and I think we should take that as a sign, that we should as well move forward. Regardless of what has happened to us in the past. We are who we are.
We can change it, but we cannot dwell on it. If we choose to dwell on it, we will lose all the funny that life can be and only gain the pain.
Happiness is not a fish that you can catch.
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